Are You Mentally Strong? Or Just Acting Tough?

I’ve worked out twice a day for over a year now, but I’m still afraid of exercise. Whenever physical fitness gets hard, I’ll often ask myself the same question: “Are you mentally strong? Or just acting tough?”

No matter how much I accomplish in life, I cannot escape that question.

First I thought this was a classic case of “impostor syndrome.” According to Psychology Today, impostor syndrome is the behavior where people habitually doubt themselves and have a persistent often internalized fear of being exposed as a fraud.

Sure this played a part, but this issue felt deeper. I wanted to find out what the difference was between putting on a mask and acting like your the toughest guy or gal in the room; versus having real, and undeniable mental strength.

Here are two signs you fall into the latter more sought after category.

1. Mentally strong people are afraid of failure

Yes, you’re reading that right. You’re more likely to have real mental toughness if you fear failure.

“How could this be?!” you may ask. Well, real mental strength is always striving for success, but doing so without believing that you have to succeed. This goes doubly so for things you attempt on your first try.

Mentally strong people are open-minded enough to realize that they might fail at learning or accomplishing something. Yet they don’t fear this failure, they embrace it; letting go of their fear of failure allows them to face obstacles every day.

Legendary country-rock artist Johnny Cash has one of my favorite quotes on the subject:

“You build on failure. You use it as a stepping stone. Close the door on the past. You don’t try to forget the mistakes, but you don’t dwell on it. You don’t let it have any of your energy, or any of your time, or any of your space.”—Johnny Cash

On the other hand, people who act tough think failure is not an option. These people think you have one chance to get things right and if you fail, you’re a loser, a has-been, a hack!

Before COVID-19 my sister had a fitness instructor with this mentality. He told her if she didn’t give it her all every single day then she might as well not even show up. This guy apparently called his kids’ disappointments when they didn’t live up to his expectations.

Successful people do not think this way. Mentally strong people believe failure is simply another part of the journey.

2. Mentally strong people are open about their insecurities and emotions

I want to be a stand-up comedian above everything; above being a writer or an athlete. You know why? Because comedians take the piss out of everything.

You can’t make fun of someone who’s already pointed out all their insecurities and flaws. Kevin Hart is a master at this:

“Because I’m small, I’ve been called things from ‘Happy Feet’ to ‘Little Face.”

People who mask their insecurities and act tough are too concerned about keeping up their façade. While they’re stressing out over making sure no one finds them out, mentally strong people embrace their weaknesses; in fact, they tell the world about them.

If you want to build real mental strength you need to tell yourself the truth and do it every day. This is why I work out, it lets me know who Isaiah McCall is today. Sure he worked out yesterday and the day before that, but what’s the truth today?

Find your truth, face the ugliness, and build real mental strength.