How Much Would I Have to Owe for Overdue Library Books Before I Flee the Country?

Have you ever felt despondent?

Have you ever heard that voice way deep down that says, “I don’t want to deal with this? There has to be another way?”

Have you ever forgotten to return a library book on time?

I was thinking about this for a while and decided to figure out what my tipping point would be between tackling fees and fines accrued from overdue library books versus leaving behind the life I know for a debtless life in exile.

But first, we have to set up a few parameters.

Scenario

• I have fallen into debt with my local public library that cannot be discharged through bankruptcy.
• They are charging me 5% interest compounded monthly.
  • I understand this isn’t how library debt works, but indulge me.
• As long as I am out of the U.S., they will make no effort to prosecute me, and I can live under my own identity without fear.
• If I try to stay in the country without paying down the debt, they will make my financial life a veritable hell on earth.

Life Abroad

I don’t think this would be too difficult for me. The work I do I could do remotely, so I think the plan would be to move somewhere with a very low cost of living and use the excess income to fly friends and family out as often as possible. I’d rather not cut all ties with my past life since I rather enjoy it, so this would probably be the best way to keep myself sane.

The question is, at what point would this life be less of a hassle than paying down the library debt? For me, I think that if aggressively paying down the overdue book fees for thirty years did not get me out of debt, I’m fleeing the country.

Three Decades of Frugality

Man, typing that hammered home what an undertaking this would be. Time for some more assumptions:

• My current assets are financially negligible.
• I never share expenses with a spouse or are financially responsible for a dependent.
  • Thanks for agreeing to this, hypothetical wife.
• My monthly expenses will be as follows:
  • Rent: $500
    • Don’t ask me what I had to do for this deal.
    • (It’s “move to Cleveland.”)
  • Food: $50
    • 50% flour
    • 50% canola oil
    • 100% nutritious
  • Transportation: $100
    • ‘99 Taurus, you better not break down until your 55th birthday.
  • Utilities: $50
    • If you’re cold, put on a sweater.
    • If you’re hot, wait ‘til winter.
  • Recreation: $0
    • Do you know what’s free? Watchin’ the sunset.
• My income over the 30 years will be according to this data assuming we were to start this shebang on my 25th birthday.
  • Years 1-10: $45,552
    • Monthly take home pay: $2,975
    • Library debt payment: $2,275
  • Years 11-20: $54,444
    • Monthly take home pay: $3,470
    • Library debt payment: $2,870
  • Years 21-30: $54,028
    • Monthly take home pay: $3,448
    • Library debt payment: $2,844

Spreadsheet Time

So I booted up my ol’ pal Microsoft Excel to see how these 30 years would play out, and I gotta tell you, it’s harrowing. Without any further ado:

After 30 years of contributing 79% of take-home pay to overdue library book debt service, making $935,160 in total payments, it would be possible to wipe out an initial balance of $470,518.

If I owed less than that, I’d roll up my sleeves and start chipping away at it.

If I owed more…

Epilogue

So how’d I acquire this debt? I’d like to think that I inherited the estate of a distant relative who was the first patron of Benjamin Franklin’s Library Company of Philadelphia in 1731. If he incurred a $0.25 late fee that compounded at 5% for the next 289 years, we’d arrive at $457,570. So thanks, Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Uncle George.