What Team Has the Most Depressed Fans?

The lion’s share of the time in sports media is spent yammering on about the teams competing for a championship this year and the dynasties of our time. Much of the rest is spent on the teams that came up short, either a Cinderella sent home before midnight or a juggernaut who choked when it matters most. Rooting for these teams is exciting, be it the ecstasy of victory or the agony of defeat.

But another cohort of teams lurks in the shadows. They do not inspire ecstasy or agony; merely numbness. They are not contenders, haven’t been for some time, and have no hardware to hang their hat on going back a generation

It may be heartbreaking to watch a kick sail wide right or a buzzer beater rim out, but at least your heart was full. Other fans do not have that luxury. Our goal today is to identify these fans today, and among them, who has it the absolute bleakest.

All I Ask Is Average

To disqualify yourself from the Most Depressed Fans Sweepstakes, all you have to do is perform at least as well as random chance in one of many areas.

For example, in the NFL, there are 32 teams. If you’ve won a Super Bowl in the last 32 years, hey, that’s enough for me. 2 teams make the Super Bowl each year, so 32 have made it in the last 16 years. If you’re one of those teams, you’re safe. 32 have made the Conference Championship in the last 8 years, 32 have made the Divisional Round in the last 4 years. Even if you only squeaked into the playoffs and were immediately snuffed out, if you did that in the last two years, you’ve got it okay.

Looking at the playoff history of the Big 4 North American sports leagues, we can see who has met any of these unambitious goals, and more importantly, who hasn’t.

Champion in the Last 32 Years

All of these teams have won a championship since 1989. Some of these teams have been blessed with an embarrassment of riches. Others haven’t done much in the last couple decades. But bottom line, if you’re asking for more than being included on this list, you’re being greedy.

It is notable how many fewer champions the NBA has in this time frame. Just eight teams have won 34 of the last 37 championships. Contrastingly, the MLB has 19 different champions in the last 32 years.

Also, despite the NFC East’s unwatchable performance this season, they are the only division in any sport where every team makes this list.

*The Calgary Flames won the 1989 Stanley Cup, which was 32 years ago and there are only 31 teams in the NHL. They made it to the Round of 16 in the 2020 playoffs, so their fans should be sated.

**The Cincinnati Reds won the 1990 World Series, which was 31 years ago and there are only 30 teams in the MLB. They also made the 2020 playoffs, so again, fans are taken care of.

***The Oakland Athletics won the 1989 World Series, which was 32 years ago and there are only 30 teams in the MLB. Not only did they make the 2020 playoffs, they won a series, so their fans should be more than satisfied.

Finals in the Last 16 Years

These teams went the distance, but ultimately could not secure a championship. Fans of these teams have no doubt had a disappointing evening or two, but they also got to be a part of that magical playoff run.

I’m not sure how successful you’d be trying to convince a Falcons fan that they’re one of the lucky ones, but on the grand scale, they are.

Conference Finals in the Last 8 Years

These teams have not been as lucky as those in the categories above, but they have been legitimate title contenders in recent memory, possibly with a good number of those players still on the team. These fans are not worthy of your pity.

It seems like this is the point for the NBA where competitive teams run into a team way above their talent level. Fewer teams from other sports appear on this list since there are so many on the earlier ones.

Conference Semifinals in the Last 4 Years

A couple of these teams were supposed to be contenders but underperformed (Blue Jackets, Clippers, 76ers). A couple had a rare decent season following years of mediocrity (Browns, Pelicans, Wizards). But they all won a playoff game/series, escaped elimination, and got to face a second opponent. That’s gotta count for something.

Conference Quarterfinals in the Last 2 Years

These teams were middle of the pack, eeked into the playoffs, and were quickly disposed of. But you know what? Middle of the pack is okay in my book. Getting to watch a postseason series of your favorite team is a cool experience, and if you did that in the last two years, then your complaints about the outcome fall on deaf ears.

It’s no surprise that the NHL and NBA are the only leagues represented here, with their policy of inviting most of the league to the playoffs. Also, I would have loved to have called this category “Made the Playoffs,” but with darn near the entire NHL making the playoffs last year, I had to go with the clunky alternative.

It’s Been a Difficult Time…

The fans of the teams remaining haven’t had much to look forward to for some time. Not even the privilege of a heartbreak. Coasting on the fumes of earlier success has officially run out. To say hope has been in short supply is a monumental understatement.

Simply appearing on this list is reason enough for melancholy, but to give an idea of the magnitude of the despondency, I added a helpful rating to each team: the Misery Factor. If a team won a championship 32 years ago or made a conference semifinals 8 years ago, it’s Misery Factor is 32/32 or 4/4 respectively, i.e., 1.0. If a team’s last accomplishment is making the conference finals 12 years ago, its Misery Factor is 12/8 or 1.5. Every team listed earlier has a Misery Factor of 1.0 or less. The following teams are not so lucky.

#15 – Las Vegas Raiders – 1.19

Won 1984 Super Bowl / Lost 2003 Super Bowl

This was the most surprising inclusion for me. Like I knew that there were some really rough years after their Super Bowl loss (JaMarcus Russell anyone?), but I didn’t realize that was as long ago as it was. I also didn’t realize that one playoff berth they did have was four years ago now. At least Gruden seems to be moving the team in the right direction, albeit a bit sluggishly.

#14 – Pittsburgh Pirates – 1.31

Won 1979 World Series

The Steelers and Penguins sure make it easy to forget about how lackluster the Pirates have been. MVP Andrew McCutchen could’t drag them beyond the NLDS. Barry freakin’ Bonds couldn’t get them past the NLCS. You have to go back to the Carter administration to find a Pirates team that actually capitalized on its talent. After winning just 19 games in last year’s shortened season, worst in the majors, there is nowhere to go but up.

#10 (Tie) – Buffalo Sabres – 1.38

Lost 1999 Stanley Cup Finals

I genuinely didn’t think the Bills could be one-upped with their 17 year playoff drought, but the Bills are kinda okay now and the Sabres haven’t made the playoffs since 2011; this year doesn’t look like it’ll be any different. They’ve had six head coaches in the last nine years. Yikes.

#10 (Tie) – New York Knicks – 1.38

Lost 1999 NBA Finals

When Harry Met Sally came out in 1989 and features Billy Crystal fantasizing about bringing the Knicks their first championship since 1973. 32 years later, that line is still relevant.

How they have managed to maintain their reputation as one of the NBA’s most storied franchises is beyond me, but it could probably be simplified to “Madison Square Garden.” The Patrick Ewing years were competitive, but never reached the mountaintop. Carmelo’s stint was similar, but they never even made it to base camp. They’ve been floundering since with no clear direction. This year, the plan seems to be:

1. Get all of the power forwards
2. Play exclusively defense
3. Hope to get embarrassed by the Nets in the first round

#10 (Tie) – New York Jets – 1.38

Lost 2011 AFC Championship Game

The Bart Scott “Can’t Wait” interview preceding the Jets’ last playoff game feels like a lifetime ago. To be fair, they did have just about the biggest obstacle one could imagine with the Patriots at the height of their power, but they responded to Brady’s exit and the resulting power vacuum by putting up the worst point and yardage differentials in the league. And they didn’t even get the top pick out of it. Last year the Chiefs won their first Super Bowl since coaches wore suits on the sidelines. I imagine the wait for Jets fans will be much longer.

#10 (Tie) – Phoenix Suns – 1.38

Lost 2010 Western Conference Finals

The Suns are the NBA franchise with the most wins without a ring to show for it. They’ve pretty much always been competitive. Sure Barkley ran into MJ and the Seven Seconds or Less squads under D’Antoni ran into, well, the rest of the Western Conference, but being a Suns fan at any point since their inception would have been a blast. Except the last decade.

Well I should say up until about six months ago. The Suns went an unbelievable 8-0 in the NBA bubble. The gap ended up being too large to close, but it was quite the ride. They had a strong off-season bringing in Chris Paul and are currently on pace to make the playoffs in a very tough West. With Booker and Ayton becoming better every year and the rest of the roster coming together, their darkest days may be behind them.

Or they never develop/attract a superstar, are too good to draft the best prospects, and hang out around the ten seed for the rest of Booker’s prime.

TBD.

#7 (Tie) – Miami Dolphins – 1.5

Won 1974 Super Bowl

Quite a big fall from perfection. They share the Jets’ excuse of the Patriots dynasty, without the Jets’ two years of competitivity. The last time the Dolphins won a playoff game, the Patriots’ quarterback was Drew Bledsoe. Brutal.

To their credit, they did go 10-6 this year, which would ordinarily be good enough for a playoff berth, especially with the expanded format. Unfortunately, they simply didn’t get the memo that half the AFC was going to go 11-5.

#7 (Tie) – Minnesota Timberwolves – 1.5

Lost 2018 First Round

The Timberwolves have just one year in franchise history where they escaped the first round of the playoffs, when they reached the 2004 Western Conference Finals. Since then, they’ve made the playoffs just once. It did not go well. They currently occupy the basement of the Western Conference. One has to wonder how many more #1 picks they’ll need to acquire before they finally put together a real squad.

#7 (Tie) – Minnesota Wild – 1.5

Lost 2015 Second Round / Lost 2018 First Round

For the state with arguably the strongest hockey culture south of the border, Minnesota has one of the most disappointing professional programs. The Wild have been pretty much .500 for their entire existence. When they have slipped into the playoffs, they’ve never really done much with it.

Minneapolis-St. Paul in the longest championship drought of any city with a team in each sport. Minnesotans are still basking in the glow of the Twins’ 1991 World Series win. Even more distressing is that no Minnesota team has even made it to the finals since then. There’s a very strong argument to be made that the Twin Cities have the most depressed fans of any city. Congrats!

#6 – Florida Panthers – 1.56

Lost 1996 Stanley Cup Finals

What happens when a team exists just so fans of other teams can catch a game on vacation? The Florida Panthers, of course. They’re the Washington Generals to the rest of the league’s Globetrotters; they exist to be beaten.

The Panthers’ last playoff series win was in 1996, and they claim the title of most depressed hockey fans.

#5 – Detroit Lions – 2.0

Won 1957 NFL Championship Game

That’s right. Not the Super Bowl. The NFL Championship Game. The Super Bowl wouldn’t exist for another decade.

Bobby Layne really had them go out with a bang, thrashing the Browns (yeah, doubly weird) 59-14. In the middle of the following season, the Lions dealt Layne for a prospect and some picks. Legend has it the scorned Layne cursed the Lions to 50 years without a championship. Well he really outdid himself, because it’s now been 64.

This wouldn’t be that depressing on its own, but the Lions haven’t even won a playoff game since 1992. That’s a recipe for despair.

#4 – Cincinnati Bengals – 2.06

Lost 1989 Super Bowl

Joe Montana’s game-winning drive that propelled the 49ers past the Bengals in the closing seconds of Super Bowl XXIII really must’ve done a number on the team’s psyche. They’d manage a win on Wild Card Weekend two years later, but have not won a single playoff game since, the longest streak in any sport.

Marvin Lewis famously took the team to the playoffs numerous times without a W to show for it, but this is actually an improvement on what came before, being the worst team in the league over the preceding eleven years with a win percentage of just 29%.

Having not snuck into the playoffs for five years, the Bengals narrowly secure the distinction of most depressed football fans.

#3 – Sacramento Kings – 2.19

Won 1951 NBA Finals

Sacramento fans may not remember this championship because:

1. 89% of Americans hadn’t been born yet
2. The team played in Rochester

Kings fans will tell you that they wouldn’t appear this high if not for the highly controversial 2002 Western Conference Finals. A glance at their history will tell you that they wouldn’t appear this high if they made the playoffs more recently than 2007 (the worst NBA team of the 2010s). A Rochester Royals fan will tell you that if you cut your hair like a real cool cat, you’d be quite the dreamboat and all those hot mamas with the classy chassis would think you’re the ginchiest and want to do a little backseat bingo, if you catch my drift, daddy-o.

#1 (Tie) – Charlotte Hornets – 2.5

Lost 2016 First Round

This incarnation of the Charlotte Hornets began as the expansion Bobcats in 2004. Like the Kings, they were able to claim the history of the earlier instance that moved to New Orleans. Only problem is there isn’t anything worth claiming. Between both stretches, the team never made it past the second round of the playoffs. This stretch hasn’t even managed that.

The Hornets are the exact type of team we’re trying to capture here. They’ve never done much of note, let their best player in franchise history walk a year ago for nothing, and they’re plum not good right now. Not only have they earned the most depressed basketball fans status, they’re in a well-deserved tie for the top spot.

#1 (Tie) – Seattle Mariners – 2.5

Lost 2001 ALCS

It had to be the Mariners. 19 years without a postseason appearance, the most in any league. 44 years without a pennant, their entire existence. They belong at the very top of this list.

Being a Mariners fan has been a ceaseless torrent of Jobian trials since the very beginning. The fact that there are Mariners fans out there is proof that unconditional love exists.

Now life as a Mariners fan has certainly be depressing, especially as of late, but what I cannot say is that it’s been boring. For proof, I’d like to hand the baton over to Jon Bois and Alex Rubenstein of Secret Base.

It’s worth the watch, I promise you.