I’ve spent a lot of time testing out different methods to calm my anxiety down. If it’s been recommended, I’ve tried it. Through all that trial and error, I’ve found that some tactics work better than others. When I was spending my late nights looking at “tips and tricks”, most of these lists weren’t actionable. Why did these work? How could I get started? I’ve compiled the top 5 daily habits that I do today that I could not live without. These are in order as well. Each habit will not just contain the philosophy but how a beginner can put that habit into action. Let’s get started with number 5!
5. Sweat Through It
With depression, it can be hard to leave the house and face the world. A daily exercise routine pushed me to get out and leave the anxiety behind. That boost of serotonin reset my brain from the negative feedback loop it was constantly in. While strength training felt good, introducing cardio truly helped clean up my mental state. It’s no wonder psychologists say that aerobic activity boosts serotonin levels more than strength training.
The one piece of advice I wish I had when starting would be to go easy on myself. As high achievers, we constantly expect perfection. Both strength training and running will humble you if you come in expecting that. With the right mindset, the rewards are endless. Not only will you find structure and consistency but you’ll find a meditative calm. Many times if I feel a panic attack coming, I know a run or lift will eradicate that “impending doom” feeling. That knowledge calms me.
For beginners, I recommend these resources: Strength Training and Running
4. Journal Your Thoughts
Journaling, even though I didn’t know it, was my first foray into examining my own mind. That’s where the true power in these methods come from. When your anxiety peaks, you may describe your mind as Sam Harris would — monkey mind. The thoughts race through consciousness at 100 miles per hour and most of them stink of negativity. But have you ever stopped to question those thoughts? Most of us blindly accept those racing thoughts as true — almost as a part of us since they have been with us since birth. Should we though? Journaling helps break the link between the concept of “I” and our thoughts.
I journal every time anxiety strikes. My racing thoughts are jotted down on paper quickly as I try to keep up with them. After a set time, I read my thoughts and analyze their validity. 99% of those thoughts that feel so apocalyptic as they are happening aren’t realistic when re-read moments after writing them. The practice of separating your obtrusive thoughts of current reality and actual reality is the first stepping stone to peace. A zen master once said:
“And if you become aware that you are not your thoughts, the life of these thoughts will begin to grow weaker, they will begin to become more and more lifeless. The power of your thoughts lies in the fact that you think they are yours. When you are arguing with someone you say, ‘My thought is.’ No thought is yours. All thoughts are different from you, separate from you. You just be a witness to them.”—Osho
You must separate the idea that what is in your mind is you. You are just an observer of those thoughts. Through reflective practices, like journaling, you will begin to see that. As a beginner, I recommend writing your anxious thoughts exactly as they are flowing for 5 minutes. Then re-read the text and observe and/or refute those thoughts versus reality.
I wrote continuously about my health and my job. I’m going to have a heart attack and die at 32 or I’m going to be fired this week were my two common themes. They seemed so real during a bad negative feedback loop. As I re-read these ideas, it opened my eyes. An active 32-year-old with no health problems dying of a heart attack? Very statistically unlikely. Going from very highly rated performance reviews to fired in less than a week? Also very unlikely. Through this practice, I began to realize that just because I had thoughts did not make them true in reality.
3. The Power of Individual Blueprinting
It’s safe to say that most of us want to be successful and happy in our lives. Then why do we choose to spend so much of our time steeped in negative emotions like anxiety and anger? If you’re reading this blog, you’re most likely looking to address your anxiety or improve another facet of your mental well-being. The problem is that it can be overwhelming as you’re starting. The feeling of trying to climb Mount Everest with zero climbing experience.
But are we just complicating a simple problem? After a lot of personal research and experience, I believe that our happiness is closely tied to our blueprint of how we feel the world should be. Tony Robbins gives a great summary. If our blueprint matches our reality- we’re happy. If it doesn’t match, we’re angry. But if it doesn’t match and we feel we can’t fix it, then we become anxious and depressed. We must realize our blueprint is as unique as our fingerprint – we can’t fall prey to the idea that only one blueprint is “correct.”
Our parents and other influences like friends and social media tend to guide us to society’s blueprint of happiness. You can see the visual representation of success and happiness on TV ads and Instagram. High paying job, beautiful cars, and a gorgeous spouse are the tip of the iceberg. This is a symptom of a bigger societal problem. If we do not reflect on our own blueprint, we inherit the one society promotes. If that doesn’t align with our true self, then sadness awaits.
This is why you see “successful” musicians kill themselves or highly paid Oscar-winning actresses with substance addiction. Their life, although successful by society standards, remains unsuccessful by their own blueprint. So what option is there? Only two: you change your situation or you change your blueprint.
The key to either solution is asking yourself questions and mapping out solutions. My big example is that I was brainwashed by my upbringing to value work and money over all else. Through this, my relationships with my wife and friends suffered. My blueprint told me to focus on work but my true self found true value in strong relationships with the people I cared about. I wrote out a blueprint on paper of what “ideal life” would give me the most “happiness.” I was blown away that work and financial success weren’t at the top. I was living values that were not my own — if you aren’t constantly examining your life you may be doing the same.
If you know me (or read previous posts), you’ll know I took a demotion at work and pay-cut to spend more time with friends and family. My only regret is that I didn’t do it earlier.
For beginners, you should start by writing out your top 5 concepts that you feel would create happiness and peace in your life. Then you can measure your actions against that. If being a great father is on your list then going out to company happy hours nightly doesn’t align with that. As you choose actions that push you towards your ideal blueprint, your life will move in that direction. Confidence and momentum will follow. Those small daily steps will lead to major changes as the weeks and months go by. Concerned you’re not choosing the correct goals? Just by creating and promoting your own blueprint, you are much more likely to be going in the correct direction than if you let society choose for you. Action is more important than perfection.
2. Be Part of Something Bigger than You
When I first started looking for ways to ease anxiety, I really only found individual solutions. Eat better, move, drink less caffeine, etc. That’s a major disservice to those looking for true lifestyle solutions. While building up the habits of examining your own thoughts and world, it’s also important to be part of the world as well.
Human beings are social creatures. This is important as anxiety and depression cause isolation in many of us. When my anxiety would rear up, my solution was always to work harder as I felt income was the driver. If you’re a high achiever, you can relate to correlating failure with the feelings that you didn’t work hard enough. Focus more on work –> generate more money. With enough money, I wouldn’t have any more problems. In reality, all I did was become more isolated.
My wife convinced me to sign up for a running club. My run times were slow at the time and I had a hard time overcoming the stigma of being slow. Eventually, I just did it. The experience was incredible.
It was the first time in months I had been out bonding with other people. I cannot stress enough the importance that other people can have on your mindset. Isolation is an unfortunate symptom of society in this day and age. Our responsibility is fighting it and taking the time to self-care through being around others. Since then, I’ve joined every group ranging from board game nights to ultimate Frisbee teams. As time moves on, my blueprint continues to place the friendships I’ve made higher and higher on the list of importance.
For beginners looking for groups, use a service like this. Being part of a community is foundational to true happiness and a more peaceful life.
1. Meditation
No fancy title or explanation needed here. The practice speaks for itself. While meditation often conjures up images of yogis sitting around chanting Ohms, the importance of this mental training and self-introspection cannot be overstated. In fact, many of the above strategies are so effective because of their meditative properties. So what’s the big deal?
Meditation remains the best method to cut through the anxiety caused by our own ego and transcend to new levels of peace in our lives. Personally, it is the most effective tool I’ve ever used in controlling long term chronic anxiety. All it takes is realizing the sense of self is false and that the way we think about reality influences us more than actual reality itself. Simple right? I’ll fall back to Sam Harris for a quote:
“Although the insights we can have in meditation tell us nothing about the origins of the universe, they do confirm some well-established truths about the human mind: Our conventional sense of self is an illusion; positive emotions, such as compassion and patience, are teachable skills; and the way we think directly influences our experience of the world.”
Simple concepts that take a lifetime to master. The goal of meditation is cultivating the ability to accept the current moment as is. Much of our pain comes from regrets in our past or stress about the future — two-time frames which do not exist if we live in the present. I mean, we’re not smart enough to forecast what will happen exactly in the next 2 hours, why do we think we can do it for the next few days? Or few years? We’re not smart enough for that and that realization is freeing.
You can read novels on the benefits of meditation — I won’t rehash that here. The benefits don’t come from understanding how it works but through practicing it yourself. For beginners, I’d use the Sam Harris app — it changed my life. My only advice is this: remember that the present moment is always here. It’s easy to view meditation as a practice moving us forward to some ideal future state. Meditation is not about pursuing the future but embracing our current moment right now. If you’re anxious or accustomed to achieving, you’re always looking into the future. Meditation’s true power for people with that mindset is anchoring us into our now.
Putting It All Together
You may see a common theme in all these items — they challenge our perception of self. They force an internal contemplation that many will never pursue in their entire life. The initial learning curve is steep but overcoming that leads to peaceful roads in the future. I hope you take the time to invest and implement these into your own daily routine — these allowed me to reduce my anxiety to almost nothing while living a more meaningful and peaceful life.
Originally published at The Working Man’s Zen
Nice article